Lent

So I broke my shopping ban today and yeah I feel pretty guilty about it. First of all it was a lot of money for only one item...and then someone reminded me that it was Holy Week this week. And that even though I got free shipping and free returns........Jesus' gift was free too. And that is so much more valuable than getting 10 dollars off for shipping.

I feel lame.

.............

I've been thinking a lot of things lately, and retreat really confirmed all of these thoughts, that they are biblical and true. So some things that I need to transform are:

1. How I interact with people. Making friends is a long process for me and it shouldn't be that way. Although it is slightly easier with people younger than I am (sometimes I think this stems from the guilt I feel for not being a better big sister to my siblings, especially my brother, when I was younger. Is this why I get along better with younger guys? No idea. Maybe). I'd also like to form more lasting relationships with people in my accounting classes, since I have a total of one non-Christian friend.

2. How willing I am to make mistakes. This is why I don't talk a lot. I can't say anything wrong if I don't say anything at all. But being willing to make mistakes and be vulnerable is how you make friends.

3. Remembering that hospitality is not just inviting a stranger to your home (ie. to eat dinner at dc, or to church), it's inviting a stranger into your life and your heart. This is something I can't even do with many of my friends here so this is a biggie!

Actually all of those were pretty related. Maybe they didn't need to be numbered...

All of these things I am writing on this blog are things I should be able to tell people in person so. My goal this year is to write on this blog less and talk to real people more.

If only we'd stop trying to be happy we could have a pretty good time. 

-Edith Wharton

still I see no changes, can't a brother (sister) get a little peace,

It's war on the streets & the war in the Middle East...

A lot of things have been on my mind lately, and there are so many things I want to change about my life. I can feel myself deteriorating as we speak. So one change I have made is...8 minute ab workout every night!! Well it is only the second day, but since my roommates are also doing it, we can be accountable hehe. And I think it is true, exercise really does make you happier.

can't stand your picture on my wall

I'm finally able to admit that we are no longer friends.

Although our friendship barely lasted a week.

So were we ever really friends at all?

I tried making mint cupcakes today, which turned out to be the worst-tasting food I've ever made. Normally if this was in the privacy of my own kitchen I would not mind..but other people were here. And no one in my family wanted to eat them, so my sister brought them to church to feed them to unknowing people (because Dan insisted on being taste-tester....not my fault). Not a big deal right? So why is this feeling of failure the most intense feeling I've had in a while?

I hate failing. I hate saying the wrong thing in front of people, so much so that conversations become these little mini-tests for me - I made her laugh? That was successful then, that was a good time. Awkward silences? I gotta think up more things to say next time.

My life. So, so sad.

What would you attempt if you knew you could not fail?

So. Many. Things.

The longer you wait for the future, the shorter it will be

I woke up this morning and the chimney was leaking. Yesterday I broke my second umbrella this month. My dad told me to just buy a rain jacket. So now I am jacket-hunting..is that breaking my no shopping during Lent except for necessities? I don't know. But I hate getting wet.

Not that I'm complaining...

but I don't like being responsible for money. People care a lot when you have the potential to screw up their tax refunds and deductibles. I'm sorry!! This is not my fault! I'm just a college student..not a CPA or Turbotax, sorry :(

Why is Justin Bieber always a trending topic on twitter?

Seriously, who twits about him THAT often? Not me.

Don't worry I know it's tweets not twits.

In elementary and junior high school, my favorite book was Bloomability, by Sharon Creech. Dinnie, the main character, lived a very nomadic life with her parents until her aunt and uncle whisked her away to boarding school in Italy. I guess I always wanted that to happen to me. Anyway there is this part about struggling, how she doesn't view life as a burden and always wants to be a struggler.

That just popped up in my head today. Life is just so..hard sometimes. I never know what to do or what I want anymore. But I'm going to be a CHAMPION struggler.

“Look at life through the windshield, not the rear-view mirror.”

—	Byrd Baggett

curses!

Those silly Disney movies, telling me I need a boy to be happy. Lies!!! But lies that I believe.

I'm learning to breathe, I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that You and You alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies 
Switchfoot - Learning to Breathe

This week has been weird. I realized I don't need this boy to be happy. I've been putting too much hope/thought/whatever into a relationship that really won't go much farther than where it is now. It's because both my roommates have boyfriends and I want one too!! But wanting for the sake of having is stupid.

I don't feel the need to be online and signed into everything constantly. I rarely keep conversations going anyway, except with Dave, so there's no point in staying logged on. This frees up so much time for other things...like homework.

I want an ipod touch.