Without fail, every Sunday I come back to my room feeling the loneliest I feel all week.

Even though I think my communications teacher is an atheist, the more lectures I watch, the more I see the evil and depravity in consumerism and consumption, and the more I am convinced that God is real and that he never meant for us to live this way. Too bad I bought a hundred dollar pair of pants for my sister this week and I'm thinking about buying another pair for myself. It is baffling how well I understand the unhealthiness of my dependence on shopping, yet I still do it. I buy things and at checkout say to myself, I know this won't make me happy for a long time, but at least I'll be happy for a few days, or maybe even a week, because not much else makes me happy anymore.

I can't wait until winter break, when I can lie in my bed all day and just read or watch movies. My life right now isn't even that busy, but I'm at the kind of tired where extra hours of sleep won't help and I need some kind of productive nothingness.

My church friends might come visit me next semester :) I'm really looking forward to it because I miss everyone. Whenever I spend time with them I feel this burden lift off of me; I don't have to care about what comes out of my mouth or be reserved and second guess everything I do.